WTF FTW!

So, I spend quite a bit of time on internet forums, not so much because I need to feed the troll but because I'm absolutely fascinated by forum acronyms. Some are easy: I was able to pick up on OMG quite easily--I mean it isn't a minute or two in my daily life before I shriek in excitement, "Ovarian Musculo-Gastritis!" And at first I assumed ZOMG was simply a modification of ovarian musculo-gastritis, but later I realized that the ZOMG is in fact the local bishop of the Galactic Church of 1337.

What's most frustrating is the vast array of etymological myths floating around about forum acronyms. Take laughter, for instance. In an effort to make sense of or at least cluster many of the more inventive forum acronyms under the aegis of laughter: LOL, laughing out loud; ROFL, rolling on floor laughing; LMAO, laffin me arse oof; LMFAO, laffin me fuckin arse oof; and so forth. This is, of course, a complete fabrication. Everyone knows that geeks don't laugh, as that would indicate they have some kind of joy in their lives.

LOL is actually an abbreviation used by pervy middle aged guys to surruptitiously point out the objects of their desire, thus marking them as a "lolita." ROFL is in fact a kind of Finnish waffle made of lye-cured cod and bulgar wheat. LMAO is a tag used by the French Communist underground to denote membership. It stands for Le Mao. Though LMFAO is related to LMAO, it stands not for "laffin me fookin arse oof" but for "Les Mademoiselles Fighting Anarchist Oafs," the militant wing of the American Enterprise Institute. They are an elite squad of roller derby chicks trained in the ancient arts of ikebana, kung fu, and calligraphy.

So now you know; Happy New Year's, all! akemashite omedetou gozaimasu; kotoshi mo yoroshiku onegai shimasu!