So, Nara is like the most fucked up place on the face of the Earth. Sure it's chock full of ancient history and all that warm, fuzzy stuff, but it's also the home of sacred deer. Sacred deer? Yes, indeed, true believers, sacred mother-fucking deer. The deer are so fucking sacred that the good Japanese feel the need to post signs warning you of the wicked powers of their sacredness.

You see, dear reader, sacred deer--both the mommies and the kiddies--have the ability to discharge red lightning from their skulls. Now, seeing as this is an ability most deer do not possess, the Japanese feel the need to warn the (Japanese-reading) public of the dangers of angering the sacred deer. The sign says "kado ga aru shika mo, kitte aru shika mo kiken," which means, literally, "whether a deer with antlers or one with them cut off, beware!" or as I prefer to translate it, "back off, mutha-fuckas, deer be shootin lightnin out they fuckin heads!"

Indeed, you should beware; for I myself saw a man being accosted by a small heard on my way to the Daibutsuden, the place in Japan with the largest indoor Buddha. The thing is so frickin huge they built the building around it. Anyway, the man was feeding the deer this parafin dildo thing they sell out of vending machines, and they just would not leave him alone. So, remember, dear readers, that if you feed sacred deer a dildo, they will come again and again.